Plenty of Blame But No Responsibility

My father is a 91 year old disabled WWII vet. Forget it took 60 years for the VA to acknowledge he had a service related disability. After my mother passed away after a long battle with metastasized breast cancer I had only my father to care for. He had a stroke one month prior to her death and lost all interest in rehabilitation once she died. After trying for over a year to care for him, spark an interest, encourage him to try I thought perhaps I should take use some of the VA benefits he was entitled to. I originally asked for someone to come for rehab but the VA has rules and that wouldn't be allowed. They approved a home health care aid to come 3 days a week to help with personal grooming (showering, shaving.) The benefit also included "respite care." I am not one to take advantage of the system but there came a time when I really needed a break from the 24/7 routine. I asked the VA to provide an additional 3 days a week (3 hours per day) so someone could come in and check on my father, make sure he had taken his medicine and he ate a decent meal. He love candy and would only eat that if left alone. I left prepared meals, lists of snacks, instructions, etc. I also made sure I had spoken to the aid. In fact I planned things so I did not leave until she had been in the home and used to the routine for a month.

I called daily while away. Sometimes I got an answer, others none. The last time I spoke to the aid there were three people here. One nurse from the VA who said perhaps the next time I go away I should have 24 hour care for my father but he was OK. She only saw my father once a month and didn't know him very well. She was just being cautious. Most 91 year old people need more help than my father. I said I would consider it but did not plan on leaving again. The second aid and her supervisor both spoke to me and said my Dad was fine, happy and telling jokes. That was Wednesday. I had said I would fly home if that was necessary. All said it was not.

Saturday night I arrived home. My father had not shaved in at least three days. He had cuts and bruises from a fall (it happened when there was no aide here although a nurse, an aide and her supervisor had examined him. That was why there were three people at the house on Wednesday.) No bandages apparently the VA nurse didn't put any dressing on the wounds and the health care worker cannot do things like that. He had been sleeping in bloody sheets, feces were all over the bathroom. My father had tried to clean up. This happened prior to the fall as blood was on top of the smears.) The most disturbing wound was a bed sore at the base of his spine. In addition, the VA had called Adult Protective Services. They said it was for safety reasons however it felt like an attack. I wondered why I was not told that would be happening. I called the home health care agency. I was told by the boss's boss that they had reported the sore to the VA, offered to send a courtesy nurse out and were told "No." I spent hours, and days calling back and forth trying to get to the bottom of who dropped the ball. It turns out the agency had not reported the sore to the VA until (and this is being generous) minutes before I called. Of course I had already called the VA raising hell because they had not provided proper care. I later apologized. I called the investigator and was advised it was clear I had tried to provide care for my Father and this was not my fault. Maybe not but I felt like I should have never left. After speaking to many people many times I gave up. I told the VA that it was a real kick in the chest for them to call and report me after I had spoken to their representative, offered to return home and was told it was not necessary. The health care agency called back to say the aide would not return. Of course not. Don't face the people you just let down. After that call the aide called to ask if she could send a family member out to pick up her pay sheet. Sure. You can get paid for three hours even though you missed days, left early and basically did not perform as expected. I certainly can't risk you getting angry and retaliating.

I fully realize my Father's situation is not nearly as desperate as others. I sincerely tried not to use the system or take advantage of anyone. I am very disturbed by the lack of care, proper communication and sincerity displayed by others however. My heart goes out to others who have greater need and still meet with the problems I encountered. WHO IS THERE FOR THEM? HOW CAN PEOPLE KEEP PASSING THE BUCK? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO MAN UP? The only way things will improve is if we recognize our shortcomings and learn from them. If we continue to insist it is someone else's responsibility we are going to lose!!